Can Spring Cleaning Your Emotional Connections Benefit Your Mental Health?
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“There are only two kinds of people who can drain your energy: those you love, and those you fear. In both instances it is you who let them in. They did not force their way into your aura, or pry their way into your reality experience.” Anthon St. Maarten
I’m going to get really vulnerable here.
I typically try to stay away from unearthing dirty laundry regarding myself and those around me. And for the most part, that will still be adhered to.
But I have to think through the relationships around me and decide if the emotional energy I put into some of them is worth it.
Unfortunately, there is one in particular that I know isn’t. And with this round of spring cleaning, I’m permitting myself to let it go.
“Elevation requires separation and if you are not willing to let go of certain people you will never rise to your rightful position.” Sope Agbelusi
Growing up, my brother and I weren’t super close in age. We were almost four years apart. And we had our fair share of squabbles. We definitely didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things.
However, we were still siblings. We had our inside jokes; we knew exactly what to do to get on each other’s nerves. Our sense of humor was very similar, and we would spend hours laughing at just ourselves and our antics.
“Two kinds of people to avoid in your life; 1. Those who love your lies and 2. Those who hate your truth. Avoid them.” Israelmore Ayivor
As we grew into adulthood, our bond seemed to strengthen. We spent more time together, and we would seek out each other’s company instead of being forced to hang out together due to living in the same house. One summer, we watched “40-Year-Old Virgin” no less than 20 times together. When you’re poor and have a lot of free time, you find ways to fill in the gaps. And that we did.
Now that I look back on those times, I can see things that took place that I shouldn’t have brushed off. Actions and behaviors that really weren’t okay but that I ignored because it was my brother. Part of it was because I didn’t pay enough attention to see what it really was, and the other part that did acknowledge it didn’t want to bring it up.
“Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the one person who you thought would never hurt you.” Gugu Mofokeng
I didn’t want to bring it up because I knew what would come.
I knew that if I made a big deal out of the issues, I would lose him.
You probably wonder how I garnered that, being that he and I had such a strong bond. It was because I had seen him do it to others around us. And the times that I hinted at potential issues, his reaction made it clear that the relationship between us wasn’t sacred in that regard.
So I kept it inside and didn’t say anything.
This worked for a while until it didn’t.
“Spend your time with those who love you unconditionally, not with those who only love you under certain conditions.” Suzy Kassem
At some point, you can’t take it anymore. The feeling of being used, the knowledge that the relationship you have isn’t built on unconditional love. And the understanding that if you push for respect, you won’t be valued enough to fight for.
The time came. I couldn’t do it anymore. And I tore off the bandaid.
“You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people.” Joel Osteen
“Just because you feel lost doesn't mean that you are. Sometimes you just have to relax, breathe deep, and trust the path you're on.” Lalah Delia
I couldn’t allow myself to be hurt anymore. It wasn’t good for either of us, in reality.
Can Spring Cleaning Your Emotional Connections Benefit Your Mental Health?
But that bond remains, even after the event. Many times I have cried over the lost relationship with my brother. So often, I miss his company and the laughter that we shared. I haven’t even watched “40-Year-Old Virgin” since that one summer.
“Nostalgia has a way of blocking the reality of the past.” Shannon L. Alder
A few months ago, we ended up at the same place at the same time. Our dad was having surgery, and we both showed up for it. Due to Covid, we couldn’t wait indoors, so we were resigned to biding our time in our respective vehicles.
However, something happened that day
As the hours ticked by, the conversation started up. At first, it was just small talk, but then as the hours went on, we started talking about more. Not about what happened between us, but about our mother and our lives.
I walked away from that day with a lighter heart but a guarded one. It was a good day, but I wasn’t ready to welcome all of that back in. I had been burned several times in the past, and I didn’t want to jump in and risk it all again.
We did share a few texts back and forth after that day. But then I abruptly stopped getting responses. Christmas came, and I texted, “Merry Christmas!” with no response. A few months later, on his birthday, I texted again. Nothing.
It was then I noticed that I was blocked.
“Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.” Kamand Kojouri
I have no clue what took place to make that happen. Our last texts ended on good notes. But this confirms why it was good to continue to guard my heart.
I can’t keep wishing for something that will probably never be.
I need to gift myself the ability to let go. To rid this emotional burden from my life and the negativity and stress that comes with it.
And in this season, the season of starting anew and polishing up what you currently have, I am going to do just that. I am spring-cleaning up the emotional connections that do not serve me and putting that effort into the ones that do. I will encourage you to do the same if it’s a fitting circumstance for you.
“If you walked away from a toxic, negative, abusive, one-sided, dead-end low vibrational relationship or friendship — you won.” Lalah Delia
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