Valentine’s Day. Is It For The Birds?
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Can I let you all in on a little secret?
It’s a little bit scandalous and will probably piss people off.
“Do your thing and don't care if they like it.” Tina Fey
So, with that information…
Are you ready to hear it?
Are you sure?
Okay, here goes….
I have a strong distaste for Valentine’s Day.
I don’t hate it, but I nowhere near love it. It’s the self-proclaimed “Day of Love” and I can honestly say that I feel nothing like that towards it.
And it is all because of what it does to people. As much as people would like to believe, February 14th does not bring grandiose levels of attraction to the world. It is literally just another day that was earmarked at some point in history to revolve around the emotion of love. The history of Valentine’s Day itself is actually quite murky, with several different theories on how it originated. As it stands today, the day is primarily focused on the love between two people, who are typically in a romantic relationship.
But none of this is neither here nor there. I am here to tell you the reason that I personally do not like it.
And it is all because of what that one day does to people.
This is not a day that can just go by as a testament to love and the appreciation of those who show it. Once you get past elementary school, it is not acceptable to just pass out little paper cards to your friends and family to celebrate the day. Instead, it is a competition to see who can romantically outdo one another. And if you happen to be single on the holiday, you are quite likely to spend the day in sorrow, feeling sorry for yourself and the assumed loneliness that you must possess.
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” Robert A. Heinlein
For a day that is supposed to be devoted to the appreciation of love, it instead takes the form of elaborate and expensive meals, lavish gifts, costly and stressful preparations, and internal worry about not being enough.
Yes, that’s right. Worry about not being enough.
Because even if you do the best that you can, there is always someone who has done more. And while you were feeling on top of your game with what you were able to produce, you now feel defeated when you see the show put on by somebody with more resources.
It is a pissing contest in the best sense of the term.
Instagram-worthy celebrations are really what the holiday has become through the years. Women and men who are completely fine with their relationships 364 days out of the year, now find themselves feeling slighted when the day doesn’t stack up to what they had anticipated. The feeling of not being valued at the same level as your friend because they were whisked away on a surprise vacation to a cabin in the mountains with a private chef, chauffeur and so many rose petals that you can’t see the floor, is absurd.
But this becomes real life, every February 14th.
And this is because the emotions of the day are everywhere. For couples, for single people, for those who have a date just for the day, even mothers who want to make the day special for their children. The bar becomes higher every year, and our ability to just be happy with what we have and appreciate the love that is already in place becomes harder and harder.
Nobody would even be happy to receive a paper, cartoon-character themed, stock card saying that they were loved (like they once were). The thought is not enough, it has to be bigger and better now.
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” Elbert Hubbard
In working as a confidence coach, and from life in general, I hate seeing the stress that the day brings to people. The fact that one day can weigh so heavily on someone and make their lives so looped around is mind-blowing.
Also, celebrities do not help in this matter. In fact, they just further propel the ridiculousness that the holiday has become. I myself am guilty of following people like the Kardashian’s on Instagram. I mean, I like roses as much as anyone. But a room full of them with Kenny G playing just for you?
A bit much.
A woman who is single can be having the time of her life on February 13th, only to be found spending the day in her bed on the 14th because they feel so depressed and alone on the “day of love“.
“My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent” Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Additionally, there is a man who is living paycheck to paycheck but desperately wants to impress his girlfriend. Therefore, he accumulates more debt on a credit card so as to not disappoint her.
There is the married couple that starts to feel like their relationship is in trouble. All because they realize it is February 14th and they haven’t put in any effort to make it special.
And then the person who gets a bouquet of flowers sent to their work. Only to see that their co-worker is receiving three dozen roses at the same time, therefore making them feel as if they are now less important than the coworker.
“How would your life be different if…You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day…You stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others” Steve Maraboli
In my personal and professional opinion…
NONE OF THIS SHOULD BE HAPPENING.
This speaks to toxic behavior.
This is not authentic in any sense of the word.
It is a show, not a genuine display of emotion.
“We are at our most powerful the moment we no longer need to be powerful.” Eric Micha'el Leventhal
If February 14th is a day to celebrate love, then love in general should be what is celebrated.
This is love of ALL forms. All shapes and sizes.
- Self-Love
- Romantic Love
- Friendship Love
- Love of Life
- Family Love
- Neighborly Love
This should not be limited to only celebrating one type of love. If anything, the most important level of love that we should celebrate is the love we have for ourselves. Internal love, self-love, is more gratifying and longer-lasting than any other kind of love on the market.
“how you love yourself is how you teach others to love you” Rupi Kaur
Sure, it comes with its own set of things to navigate, but it’s the most worthwhile love that you will encounter.
For all of the people that find themselves single, don’t despair. Use this day to celebrate the love that you have for yourself, and for all of those around you.
For the people living paycheck to paycheck, love isn’t a financial emotion. Love costs nothing. Don’t stress yourself out over a day. Love is for a lifetime.
“Your time is way too valuable to be wasting on people that can't accept who you are.” Turcois Ominek
To the married couple, know that your relationship is not doomed because you didn’t make plans for one specific day. Rest assured knowing that your love for one another is what has gotten you this far and that it can be shown 365 days a year, not just one.
And to the person who feels less than upon seeing her coworker’s array of flowers, please remember that material objects do not change the worth of a person.
“It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.” Eartha Kitt
Life is hard as it is. Do we have to take this day, Valentine’s Day, that is supposed to be cemented in love and make it so divisive? Can it not be a time to celebrate the love we have for all, in all circumstances?
I mean, after all, they do say that love makes the world go ’round. Let’s keep it that way.
“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” William Shakespeare
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