Playing With Kids Is Not My Strongest Asset

Playing With Kids Is Not My Strongest Asset

Kristyn Meyer is on a journey to make herself the best human that she can be. These posts are a reflection of that. She welcomes your support via reading and through commissioned affiliate links within her posts! To stay up to date on all of her shenanigans, please subscribe to her email list! (psst…there’s a free gift involved)

So here is something that most likely plants me firmly in the “not a good mom” group.

I do not like to play with my kids.

There, I said it.

I just don’t. It’s not fun to me, I don’t enjoy it.

It seems like one of the top rules of parenthood is “thou shall play with thou’s offspring”. I’m supposed to like doing it, but I just don’t. I just can’t do it.

For long periods of time at least. For a few minutes, sure.

I went to this training once and a mom was talking about a parenting class she took at her daughter’s school. The trainers had told her that you should aim to give each child ten uninterrupted minutes of attention daily, doing whatever they want to do during that time.

Ten minutes sounds simple right? Like it would be super easy to do?

It’s actually not that easy. Try it. You can’t have your phone next to you, you can’t sneak glances at the TV, you can’t zone out, you can’t have side conversations with your husband. Your attention has to be 100% on your child, doing whatever it is that they want to do.

This was much harder for me when I was working outside of the house than it is now. Before, I was too exhausted at the end of the day to have an adequate amount of patience to do this. And there was so much that had to be accomplished in the evenings to be ready for the next day that it made it hard to devote ten minutes to playing pretend puppies who attack the PJ Masks while on their way to Peppa Pigs house. Now that I don’t have all that on my plate, I find it much easier to accomplish. Not any more enjoyable, but easier to work into my schedule.

Playing with kids is harder than I ever thought possible.

In her book “Year of Yes”, Shonda Rhimes said that for a full year she committed to stopping whatever she was doing every time one of her three children asked her to play. She would stop and play with them right then and there.

Working on a script? Stop.

On her way to an awards show? Stop.

It didn’t matter what she was doing, she paused it to focus on her kids. She said that it didn’t really take much time because her kids would get tired of playing with her after about 15 minutes and she could go about her business.

THAT IS NOT THE CASE WITH MY KIDS THOUGH!

At the 15 minute mark they want to continue going until the end of time! It would be much easier if that were the case for me. If they had it their way, I would entertain them every waking minute of the day.

But I totally 100% see the importance of it. Our children need to have that individualized attention with us. They need to get that special time. An effort has to be made to do this for them. And I need to do it, for them.

I will sit and play pretend puppies, if that is what my child wants to do. But I don’t enjoy it. And I want to enjoy my time with my child, not dread it.

So I have found a lot of other things to do one-on-one with my kids. Things that they love to do and so do I. Just because we are a mom, doesn’t mean we should have to give up the things that we like, right? Our children have to understand that things aren’t always their way or what they want, but that it can still be fun.

Not every kid at school will want to play exactly what your child wants to either. Sometimes, yes. Other times, no. And it’s the same at home. Life doesn’t revolve around your child’s wants. Mama’s wants matter too. The earlier they understand this, the easier it will be for them as they get older. Playing with kids does not have to be unenjoyable.

Ideas for Devoted Kid Time That Don’t Involve Playing:

• Baking. Making cookies, cupcakes, any baked good is a hobby of mine. And eating them is a hobby of mine as well. My kids both love to help me in the kitchen. It isn’t convenient to do, but I try to let them help even just a little bit each time. Lately I’ve tried to make the effort to have two baking sessions a week where one or both of them is involved from beginning to end. It’s fun for them, it’s bonding time and they end up learning a thing or two as well.
• Reading. I love reading to my kids. I started reading to them as soon as they were born and they have been able to sit through full stories since they were about 9 months old. Sometimes I will tell them to go pick out a bunch of books and we will spend the better portion of an hour reading the ones that they pick.
• Board Games. I referenced this in my last blog post, but it’s worth mentioning again. My daughter has recently gotten into playing games because of school. So we play them as a family several times a week. It’s easy to stay engaged and it’s fun for all of us.
• Going on a walk. We like going for strolls outside in the evenings. Especially during the summer evenings when the heat is more manageable and we can stand to be outside for more than just a few minutes. There aren’t phones or tv’s involved. Just us and the outside.
• Playing on the swings. We have a playset in our backyard that my kids love. There are steps and a slide and a climbing wall and a little playhouse underneath. My daughter loves to come up with tons of different scenarios to act out while playing. But me? I love pushing them on the swings. I get to talk with them and make silly faces and interact with them. Without the pretend play.

• Art. Art is not my thing, but my daughter loves it. She gets it from her dad’s side of the DNA. But I like to come up with different projects and do them with her. It makes her happy to do something she loves, and that I do it with her.
• Movie nights. Sometimes my daughter and I will declare a movie night just for the girls. We pick out a special snack, snuggle on my bed and pick out a movie to watch. I don’t take my phone or computer with me. We get quality one on one time while being entertained.
• Special Outings. This year I got a membership to a trampoline park. It’s not very expensive considering what you get. But I use it to have special dates with my daughter and son. I can take him to toddler time and her to open jump. We try the different equipment out and have contests to see who can jump the highest. I burn a ton of calories and they get energy out!
• Events. My daughter asked to do Girl Scouts this year. I go to all the meetings and events that I can with her. I like to be involved with what she does, and she’s still of the age where she likes having me there. So I take advantage of it while I can! I take my son to a weekly playgroup at the library. I could use the time to check emails or market my blog, but he likes having me play with him and his friends. We build big block towers and play trains for a few minutes at a time. There are so many different play stations that I’m not roped into one activity the whole time. Then afterwards we find new books to check out and take home.
• Scavenger Hunts. This is a new thing, but it’s been a big hit. We have had a few scavenger hunts around the house. I found several different ones online that have easy objects to find. One was finding items that were the colors of the rainbow. Another was finding things of different textures. Both of my kids have a blast finding the different things, and they love that we do it together.

So see? I don’t have to always pretend play as a superhero crime fighter to spend quality time with my kids. There’s limits to what we should force ourselves to do, and our kids need to know that we like some things better than others. It’s just life. They will understand that is isn’t about them, that we love spending time with them. But they will also learn that everyone has different interests. We need to be able to enjoy our time with our kids, and not dread it. Our kids will be able to see through it if we do and may assume that it’s due to them.

And that’s the last thing we want.

So bond with your kids in whatever way works best for you. Playing with kids in any capacity is better than not at all. In the end, they are going to remember the fun times, no matter what you were doing.