What Is Confidence? Do I Have It?
Kristyn Meyer is on a journey to make herself the best human that she can be. These posts are a reflection of that. She welcomes your support via reading and through commissioned affiliate links within her posts! To stay up to date on all of her shenanigans, please subscribe to her email list! (psst…there’s a free gift involved)
For so many years I have viewed confidence as something other than what it actually is. Previously when I thought of confidence I primarily envisioned positive affirmations, verbalizing that I could do it even when I didn’t know that I was able, being outgoing and comfortable in every situation.
And don’t get me wrong, that is part of it. There are many components that play into confidence, but the biggest one of all – the one that I took a while to realize?
Trust. Trust in myself.
Confidence is having the ability to trust that you are going to get yourself through the situations that you encounter. It may be a situation completely out of your comfort zone, but you trust in your own personal ability that you will do what it takes to figure out the steps and end up on the other side.
Will you do so perfectly? Doubtful.
Will there be room for improvement the next time? Absolutely.
However, you will have gotten yourself through something by navigating the twist and turns and finding the correct avenues to take.
Maybe you knew the perfect person that could give you advice on how to solve your problem? That is you figuring it out.
Perhaps you learned of a new product on the market that cut the time spent on what you were undertaking in half? That is you figuring it out.
Additionally, there could have been a time where you were nervous to take something on, but you did it anyway. That is you figuring it out!
Do you know the adrenaline rush that people get on roller coasters? Anxiety and nervousness are built up as you are in line and getting buckled in. Death seems inevitable as you start to inch forward. The first giant hill has you wanting to pee your pants. But after that? And when you get off the ride? You feel amazing – like you’re on top of the world.
Even though you were nervous and a bit scared, you trusted yourself to get through it. And you did!
THAT is confidence.
Confidence does not mean you can’t experience ALL the emotions that the world has to offer. Those go hand in hand with building the confidence itself. Those feelings are what push you to be better and believe in yourself and the ability that you innately have.
When you face something and realize that you have butterflies in your stomach, you know that you are exiting your comfort zone. It’s what you do from that point on that will either increase your internal confidence, keep it on a plateau, or even cause it to decrease.
Case in point,
I grew up in a very small school. Same students, day after day. Things didn’t really change much other than the occasional new kid. Exiting that environment was a terrifying thought for me. I was very very much in my comfort zone. And at the same time, I was in the teen years of feeling like everything I did was wrong. Not just because of the people around me, but also because I constantly second-guessed myself and my actions.
At that point in time, I did not think that I could maneuver a bigger, new environment. The thought alone was intimidating to me. However, I had parents who drilled into my head that college was a priority from the very early days. I knew I had to do it, I was just terrified.
I started small.
My first job was in a different city, and I was nervous to take that on. But I did. And as time went on I felt more comfortable. Then I went on to a community college. I did some legwork before classes started, finding out where each room was that I needed to be in, and seeing how long it would take me to get from my car to those rooms. Before the first day, I made sure that I had all the books I needed and read up on the required materials. I wanted to make it as smooth as possible. And it worked. It took some time to feel comfortable there but eventually, it did happen.
But then it was time to move on to a bigger university. I didn’t want to do it. At that point in time, I had one big building to navigate for classes. This university would have several large buildings, some of which I had to drive to separately. The number of students was massive and there were so many more things to figure out – like parking passes!
I almost didn’t go. Truthfully, I started looking at different majors I could declare where I could stay at the school I was already at. Nursing? Dental Hygiene? Graphic Design?
I was just about to pull the plug and switch to nursing when I had a realization. If I didn’t push myself, if I didn’t take this step – what would be next? This would be just the beginning. What other dreams and goals would I miss out on by backing down and sliding back? I couldn’t stomach the thought of missing out on other things I wanted to accomplish. How would I travel to other countries? What if I had the opportunity to move to another state? Would I say no to those because I was too scared?
So I did it. And I about had an anxiety attack for the whole first week. The campus was huge, the classrooms were different, parking was a nightmare.
But about 3-4 weeks in, I started to find my stride.
Something changed.
I was so proud of myself. I had conquered this. By trusting in myself. I was navigating a new and scary situation and I was coming out on the other side.
I did it.
With this new feeling, I turned on my iPod shuffle (this was back in the day folks) and started singing along, loudly, with the song that came on. I got some really weird looks from other students, but I didn’t care. I felt on top of the world! Nothing could hold me back now.
And I’ve continued to have these moments throughout life, but that was definitely one of the bigger milestones in so many ways. Pushing myself did so much for my confidence. It made me realize that I truly had the ability within me to make things happen, if I really wanted them to.
Two years after this event, I traveled to China for 10 days. The same girl who couldn’t stomach the idea of going to a different college went to an entirely different country with a huge language barrier JUST TWO YEARS LATER.
Confidence does a lot to you, and for you.
What have been your big milestone moments?
