What Is Confidence? Do I Have It?
Kristyn Meyer is on a journey to make herself the best human that she can be. These posts are a reflection of that. She welcomes your support via reading and through commissioned affiliate links within her posts! To stay up to date on all of her shenanigans, please subscribe to her email list! (psst…there’s a free gift involved)
For so many years I have viewed confidence as something other than what it actually is. Previously when I thought of confidence I primarily envisioned positive affirmations, verbalizing that I could do it even when I didn’t know that I was able, being outgoing and comfortable in every situation.
And don’t get me wrong, that is part of it. There are many components that play into confidence, but the biggest one of all – the one that I took a while to realize?
Trust. Trust in myself.
Confidence is having the ability to trust that you are going to get yourself through the situations that you encounter. It may be a situation completely out of your comfort zone, but you trust in your own personal ability that you will do what it takes to figure out the steps and end up on the other side.
Will you do so perfectly? Doubtful.
Will there be room for improvement the next time? Absolutely.
However, you will have gotten yourself through something by navigating the twist and turns and finding the correct avenues to take.
Maybe you knew the perfect person that could give you advice on how to solve your problem? That is you figuring it out.
Perhaps you learned of a new product on the market that cut the time spent on what you were undertaking in half? That is you figuring it out.
Additionally, there could have been a time where you were nervous to take something on, but you did it anyway. That is you figuring it out!
Do you know the adrenaline rush that people get on roller coasters? Anxiety and nervousness are built up as you are in line and getting buckled in. Death seems inevitable as you start to inch forward. The first giant hill has you wanting to pee your pants. But after that? And when you get off the ride? You feel amazing – like you’re on top of the world.
Even though you were nervous and a bit scared, you trusted yourself to get through it. And you did!
THAT is confidence.
Confidence does not mean you can’t experience ALL the emotions that the world has to offer. Those go hand in hand with building the confidence itself. Those feelings are what push you to be better and believe in yourself and the ability that you innately have.
When you face something and realize that you have butterflies in your stomach, you know that you are exiting your comfort zone. It’s what you do from that point on that will either increase your internal confidence, keep it on a plateau, or even cause it to decrease.
Case in point,
I grew up in a very small school. Same students, day after day. Things didn’t really change much other than the occasional new kid. Exiting that environment was a terrifying thought for me. I was very very much in my comfort zone. And at the same time, I was in the teen years of feeling like everything I did was wrong. Not just because of the people around me, but also because I constantly second-guessed myself and my actions.
At that point in time, I did not think that I could maneuver a bigger, new environment. The thought alone was intimidating to me. However, I had parents who drilled into my head that college was a priority from the very early days. I knew I had to do it, I was just terrified.
I started small.
My first job was in a different city, and I was nervous to take that on. But I did. And as time went on I felt more comfortable. Then I went on to a community college. I did some legwork before classes started, finding out where each room was that I needed to be in, and seeing how long it would take me to get from my car to those rooms. Before the first day, I made sure that I had all the books I needed and read up on the required materials. I wanted to make it as smooth as possible. And it worked. It took some time to feel comfortable there but eventually, it did happen.
But then it was time to move on to a bigger university. I didn’t want to do it. At that point in time, I had one big building to navigate for classes. This university would have several large buildings, some of which I had to drive to separately. The number of students was massive and there were so many more things to figure out – like parking passes!
I almost didn’t go. Truthfully, I started looking at different majors I could declare where I could stay at the school I was already at. Nursing? Dental Hygiene? Graphic Design?
I was just about to pull the plug and switch to nursing when I had a realization. If I didn’t push myself, if I didn’t take this step – what would be next? This would be just the beginning. What other dreams and goals would I miss out on by backing down and sliding back? I couldn’t stomach the thought of missing out on other things I wanted to accomplish. How would I travel to other countries? What if I had the opportunity to move to another state? Would I say no to those because I was too scared?
So I did it. And I about had an anxiety attack for the whole first week. The campus was huge, the classrooms were different, parking was a nightmare.
But about 3-4 weeks in, I started to find my stride.
Something changed.
I was so proud of myself. I had conquered this. By trusting in myself. I was navigating a new and scary situation and I was coming out on the other side.
I did it.
With this new feeling, I turned on my iPod shuffle (this was back in the day folks) and started singing along, loudly, with the song that came on. I got some really weird looks from other students, but I didn’t care. I felt on top of the world! Nothing could hold me back now.
And I’ve continued to have these moments throughout life, but that was definitely one of the bigger milestones in so many ways. Pushing myself did so much for my confidence. It made me realize that I truly had the ability within me to make things happen, if I really wanted them to.
Two years after this event, I traveled to China for 10 days. The same girl who couldn’t stomach the idea of going to a different college went to an entirely different country with a huge language barrier JUST TWO YEARS LATER.
Confidence does a lot to you, and for you.
What have been your big milestone moments?
Comments
You are so right – confidence is a process of learning to trust and be comfortable with yourself! One of the best parts of getting older for me has been to have more and more confidence within myself. To have tried, failed, tried again and succeeded – it made me much more confident that I can do so much more than I thought.
I am working on having more confidence! I find as I get older I have more of it–I don’t care as much what people think of me.
It is crazy how much your confidence or lack of confidence can run your life. There are some things in my past that I missed out on because I lacked the confidence to try it.
My confidence comes and goes. My biggest milestone lately has been doing video production to keep my church services alive.
I think it is a work in progress for me. I do need to work harder on myself
Some times I am confidant and sometimes I am not. I think alot of mine has to do with comparing myself to others. It is really hard not to do that with all the social media out there today. I took a huge leap and started my blog and was so scared I would not succeed.
I like your words that confidence is a trust in yourself, because I totally agree! In order to have built your confidence of course it is a pre-requisite of you having trust and believe on your own capabilities because that would push you more to be successful.
I love your definition of self confidence! This is so true! We mostly go through everything alone, and we forget that it was ourselves who helped us through it! Thanks for the great insight and perspective!
As a person who needs to have more confidence in themselves, I really needed to read this. Thank you!
Confidence can do wonders for our mental and physical health. Sadly it’s something I’ve never had and try as I might, I find it difficult to hold onto.
This is so well written and very helpful! Confidence is definitely something I’ve been working on.
confidence stems from the spirit that it can be done , hence the spirit is very imp within
I remember that I used to try to become confident by focusing on the ways how others are learning and spreading it. I couldn’t understand why it didn’t work for me until I realized that we all have our own journeys towards becoming confident and that I actually had to learn it by seeking it within myself, not in other people. I also had to come to a realization, that there will be days that I won’t feel confident, because life is full of new experiences including difficult or uncomfortable ones.
Confidence is such an important attitude every one of us needs to carry every where we go. Unfortunately, sometimes I doubt myself (we’re just humans right?) But still, I try my best to pursue and achieve those life goals.
What a wonderful uplifting post. Thank you for sharing.
I love this so much. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone is really difficult but I completely agree with you if you don’t do it now then when.
I loved reading this! I’ve always been rather insecure but the older I get, the more confident I’ve become. The last job I had was totally out of my comfort zone in a field I knew nothing about. I believe my success there was because I totally faked it til I made it. We are more capable than we give ourselves credit for and pretending I knew what I was doing led to knowing what I was doing, if that makes sense.
I always wear confidence when facing people. There will never be a feeling of 100% prepared. Confidence does the trick. <3
So true! I’m working on my self-confidence. Thanks for sharing.
I can totally agree with you, sometimes I can’t help asking myself too with some circumstances. I guess God helps me own it.
I have always struggled with confidence! I think it’s a learned behavior that we have to teach ourselves!
Totally agree! Confidence comes with experience, putting yourself out there and facing your fears. Love this! Great post!
Great post. Confidence comes with time and experience.
Wonderful read for self elevation. Liked immensely.
I do have confidence but sometimes I tend to lose it depending with the people I’m dealing with
I’m proud to share that I’m quite confident. 🙂
I am working on confidence for myself as I have a hard time trusting myself. I rather rely on others to guide the way then myself. I am working with someone to trust myself.
I struggle with confidence in some aspects but in others I radiate confidence. It’s a love hate thing. Lol
This is something I often struggle with. Thank you for sharing your experience it was really helpful to read.
You can’t be more right. I absolutely loved this post. Thanks for sharing.
That is something you must really be proud of! Congrats to your successful journey! You inspire many!
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This is great! I don’t know that I have ever seen someone actually explain what confidence is and I don’t believe that I could have put it into words – not as well as you did here anyway! Congratulations on your journey to date and here’s to great things ahead!
Thank for such a lovely article. For me, this is an intimate subject…
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Loved you blog…Confidence is the most important part of our life..without confidence we are just nothing…Thanks for sharing the ideas and the way..Great work..