Second Chances In Life Shouldn’t Be Taken Lightly
Kristyn Meyer is on a journey to make herself the best human that she can be. These posts are a reflection of that. She welcomes your support via reading and through commissioned affiliate links within her posts! To stay up to date on all of her shenanigans, please subscribe to her email list! (psst…there’s a free gift involved)
When my daughter was born (almost six years ago), I got nine weeks of maternity leave. That is a very standard amount, even more than most get actually. And up front, it sounded like a great and ample opportunity to get to know my new child and bond with her. In the end though, it just wasn’t enough time. I was a mess, stressed out, anxious – the whole nine yards. She still wasn’t sleeping well, I had a breastfeeding infection that I had to spend time recovering from, and we weren’t established in a good routine yet.
I swore I would do it differently the next time.
When my son was born I got six months of maternity leave. I definitely did it differently. All the plans were set out in advance as to how I would enjoy my time off with my baby. However, yet again, it was a blur. Between the birth, gallbladder removal, having my grandson to care for part time in addition to my two littles, taking in a teen unexpectedly and having my adult child in the home, I felt like I didn’t get to fully devote my attention to my baby.
Different, but not what I envisioned. Not what I wanted.
I had a second chance, but I didn’t make the most of it.
For the first five years of my daughter’s life, I was a mom who worked outside the home. I actually quit that job one month before she started school. Up until then she had been in daycare and preschool full time while I worked. I hated that I lost so much time with her and I wanted so badly to do it differently with my son. What I regret with her isn’t something I can get back, but I feel that I can do it differently with him.
So I quit my job.
I had one month with her until she was off, starting her public education life. During that month I wished more than anything that I could have a second chance with her. More time to just be with her. The time off made me realize what I had missed out on. When working outside the home, I was always exhausted at the end of the day. Both physically and mentally. It took everything in me to get through the evening to bedtime. Many nights I would pass out on the couch with her in the crook of my arm, too tired to even make it upstairs to my bedroom.
I didn’t have ample opportunities to teach her things like fun songs or the alphabet. We didn’t get to do fun activities like crafts and baking like I always dreamed that I would.
I felt like I had that one month with her to try to make up for all the lost time. And obviously, it just wasn’t enough to do that.
At the end of the month, I was so sad at the realization that I had lost out on so much of this little girls youngest years. I thought back to all the times that she would ask such random questions while we were getting ready in the mornings and I would be in such a rush that I would snap at her instead of answering her.
Also remembering all the evenings and weekends where I would try to fit in the normal parental activities like story time at the bookstore and trips to the library, but then would come home and spend the second half of the weekend cleaning so that the house wasn’t trashed, instead of spending time with her.
The constant struggle that I had between work and life was very real. I couldn’t be 100% in both places. The constant pull between both was unbearable, and one always fell short. More often than not, it was my little girl who got the short end of the stick. She got the tired, cranky, snippy mother. Work got the energetic, chipper (fake at times), attentive employee.
It wasn’t fair.
I struggled with this, and cried so many tears over having ruined my only chance at bonding during those formative years. It’s during those years that they want to be around you. You are their best friend. Any time you spend with them is the best time of their day. You suggesting an activity to do is the epitome of fun.
The teen years don’t have that. Even the later childhood years don’t as much. It’s the little kid years, the years of snuggling and reading books. The time devoted to learning ABC’s and witnessing them trying out new words. It’s the only period of time in their life where Mommy’s kiss will make their injuries fade away.
And I had lost it. I had thrown away all the opportunities that were given to me in the past. I was never going to get that time back.
But you know what happened?
Coronavirus happened.
Quarantine happened.
Second chances in life happened.
Because of it all, I am here – day in and day out – with my baby girl. I am teaching her. We are doing crafts. Baking happens much more frequently. I am her go to for everything she needs during the day. She doesn’t rely on a teacher or a daycare worker. She comes to me.
We play games. We read books. I’ve helped teach her to read.
I’ve healed countless injuries. She snuggles with me endlessly. We’ve laughed at silly things more times than I can count.
We go on the swings. We take walks. She tells me all about what happened on her favorite TV show.
I answer all of the questions that she has, without feeling rushed or annoyed (most of the time, because they are quite plentiful).
What I have been given is a gift. The gift of a second chance.
It’s not often that we have blessings like these. And although the circumstances surrounding it are bleak, the center of it all is a true blessing.
This baby girl should have had all of me when she didn’t. But now we have been afforded an additional opportunity. And I am not taking it for granted this time around. What I am doing is acknowledging my good fortune, and that I am able to take advantage of this with my family being in good health and being provided for. Our situation is one of the better ones, and for that I am truly thankful. This additional time with my baby gives my heart the space to breathe. I can make up for lost time. I can be the mom to her that I wanted to be then.
And I thank God for that.
Be safe, be healthy, take time to appreciate the little things. And don’t forego any second chances in life that you might encounter.
