I Love My Children In A Different Way Now
Kristyn Meyer is on a journey to make herself the best human that she can be. These posts are a reflection of that. She welcomes your support via reading and through commissioned affiliate links within her posts! As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. To stay up to date on all of her shenanigans, please subscribe to her email list! (psst…there’s a free gift involved)
This past week I had to take both children to the eye doctor, on separate days. For the first visit, I had the lovely misfortune of driving on ice to get there. The night before had blessed us with freezing rain, and the driving conditions were not wonderful.
But my daughter needed to go to the appointment. She broke her glasses recently and we needed to make sure her prescription was still correct. As I wove through the icy back roads, something felt off. This trip didn’t feel like the others I have had doing the same thing. My daughter has been going to this eye doctor since she was two. She’s now five, and I’ve taken her to every appointment.
This wasn’t a new type of adventure, so that isn’t what felt different.
What felt different is that I wasn’t panicking. Even though I was definitely going to be late to the appointment, I didn’t feel distressed over it. I didn’t reach for my phone to call them and give them a heads up about my tardiness either. Yes, that would have been a kind thing to do, but I didn’t feel I could safely do that. I just drove to the appointment, being as careful as I could. In my head I just kept thinking – if they won’t see her, it’s fine. We will reschedule.
You know why this is so different than the previous times? I worked for a big company before and not for myself. The careful maneuvering of my schedule that had to be done previously to go to those appointments was night and day from what I endure now. Not only did I need to coordinate it with my calendar and the meetings I had, I also needed it to be first thing in the morning or the latest possible in the afternoon. In addition, I needed it not to be on a Monday or a Friday because work didn’t like when I was out on those days.
To reschedule all of that was a nightmare.
I know, and am ashamed to admit it, that I was not as careful in the past driving to those appointments as I was last week.
It’s not that I didn’t care about the safety of my kids. I love my children. It’s that I had to balance all of the expectations and responsibilities that were placed on me.
And that was SO DAMN HARD.
Aside from all that, I want everyone to understand that the example I just shared is not one in which I display that I love my children differently. Every single mother on the planet would do everything to keep their children safe in those conditions, but many of us have to juggle safety with expectations. I wanted to share that story to help others understand the reflection period that I am currently in.
Instead, the example I want to share about my loving my children differently is something I have discovered over time. I’ve been carefully weighing the differences in my parenting from the time as a mother who worked outside the home to a self-employed mother working from home.
And what I can say is that I am eternally grateful for the opportunity that I have to work for myself, from home.
Some days it is downright crazy here, but it is nothing compared to what I had before.
When I worked outside the home, I would come home and be so completely and utterly exhausted from my day. I couldn’t find the energy to do anything with my kids. That is not the case any longer.
Previously I would have no issue coming home from a long day at work, seeing my kids for 30 minutes and jetting off for some “me time” once a week or so. I honestly don’t feel the need for as frequent me time as I did before. Even though I am around my kids much more than I was, I crave their presence more strongly when I am away from them than I did before.
When I worked outside of the home, my children went to childcare. They had their own routines for 5/7ths of the week. I now see that I had no clue about their preferences and customs when it came to typical daily events. We just winged it on the weekends and did nap time, snacks and entertainment as it came. But now I see that my kids both have strong tendencies for different things. My son will take a great nap in his bed during the day if I catch him before he gets too tired. My daughter loves having her own quiet time instead of napping. As a working mom, I didn’t have the mental bandwidth to figure these things out.
Because I was able to move into the opportunity I now have, my relationship with my children has changed dramatically.
I feel more connected to them than ever before. I understand them on a different level than I had previously. My instincts have changed as a result of increased time spent together.
What I desire most is for all mothers to have this. I struggled to be as involved with my children as I could when I worked outside the home. I know that not all mothers can leave their job and take the leap that I did. But I do know that workplaces and our own culture can be more understanding and accommodating of our role. We are raising the future generation, and their needs should come first. Mother’s have such an important job, in more ways than one. They need to be taken care of, not annoyed by.
The world needs to take care of the babies that will take care of the future world.