Happy New Year Wishes From A Tired Mom
Kristyn Meyer is on a journey to make herself the best human that she can be. These posts are a reflection of that. She welcomes your support via reading and through commissioned affiliate links within her posts! To stay up to date on all of her shenanigans, please subscribe to her email list! (psst…there’s a free gift involved)
I have been trying to write this post for a week.
I have had all these thoughts formulating in my brain, but have not had an opportunity to sit down and get them all out. Any time that I tried to do so, I would have a tiny human asking me some absolutely ridiculous question (“Why do the Paw Patrol dogs talk?”) or an even tinier human screeching in my face.
I needed to figure out epic resolutions for a tired mom. (Me)
Also…Happy New Year Wishes To You!
Even right now is a gamble. I’m 3/4 of the way through a road trip with my children.
Just myself and the two kids.
We went to see my friend in Tennessee for New Years, which is about 9 hours (pre-necessary kid stops) from our home. I did it last year with them and decided immediately that there was no earthly way the entire distance was happening in one swoop. So I found out that the exact middle location was in Seymour, Indiana and booked a hotel room for our journey there and back. If you are wondering, there is a website that gives you this information – https://www.meetways.com/.
I’m not smart enough to figure it out on my own, so you’re welcome.
We have about 4.5 hours to go tomorrow, and right now I have the toddler watching Ice Age and coloring on the hotel stationery and the baby playing with the coffee maker (unplugged). So all is calm at this moment. Until they realize that I am working on something. Then they will demand my full attention, per the usual.
So anyway, I have felt like I needed to have some epic kind of new years resolution since I’m on this life journey this year. I didn’t want it to be working out more and getting fit since I’ve been working on that for a while (outside of the past few days). There were copious amounts of food available to me that could not be passed up. Have you ever had crab rangoon dip? You can’t eat just a small portion. You just can’t.
Side note: the baby came over and started whining at me, so I showed him how to open and close the mini-fridge next to me. I’ve now gained another 4ish minutes to write.
Back to Epic Resolutions For A Tired Mom….
I also didn’t want to have it be anything about living life to my fullest, enjoying life, etc.
That should be a given.
It’s just an unspoken thing. If somebody is intending to have 2019 be just a bland and mediocre year, I have some numbers that you can call.
And what I absolutely did not want to do was to make a resolution to not make a resolution. Years ago, somebody said that was theirs. Seriously. They weren’t joking. They were making a resolution to not make a resolution.
Let the absurdity of that sink in while you read on.
I spent some time thinking back through the past almost 7 months. I thought about all of the things I’ve pushed through and things that I could have done differently.
This current road trip was actually really eye-opening for me as well, which I didn’t expect.
Last January I did the same trip, but life was much different then, and I was not who I am today. As I was driving the exact same car with the exact same kids in the back, going down the exact same roads, I realized how calm I was. Last year I was a mess. Honestly, and my friend doesn’t know this until right now, I was looking for excuses to get out of going last year. And I was the one who proposing it to begin with!
After the first night in the hotel, I awoke to an ice storm outside. It would have been totally acceptable to call it quits at that point and turn around. Yet inside I knew that I was letting fear get in the way, and I didn’t want to cave into it. I was scared to go that far, scared to drive in cities that were busy, scared of dealing with the kids on my own.
And I was also worried that our friendship had changed.
We have lived hours apart for a decade now, and I was anxious that we would have grown too far apart. My stomach was in knots for most of the trip, and at home, it wasn’t much better.
I wasn’t enjoying life.
We had guardianship of a teenager who caused a lot of stress. It was like walking on eggshells most of the time. And issues with our adopted son were constant. You never knew what the day would bring. Would I get a nasty phone call in the middle of the day from him? Would the teenager ignore us for the entire evening and complain about everything? There were so many days that I didn’t even want to come home.
I was an emotional mess, and I was very unhappy.
As the issues cleared up, I felt the desire to begin this journey. My baby’s first year of life involved a mom that was not top notch. She wasn’t even middle notch. His mom was constantly on the verge of screaming and was the furthest thing from a glowing, radiant new mother. I hated that it was his introduction to the world. And his first impression of the person who was supposed to be the picture of love and happiness.
I feel like I failed him in that, and I have felt a constant desire to make it up to him ever since I had the revelation.
But this year, driving along, I realized that I wasn’t scared. Going through towns that had me white-knuckled around the steering wheel last year was nothing and my entire experience was calm and relaxing – for the most part.
Try having two toddler girls that never shut up for anything in the same house for three days. Happy New Year Wishes to Me…
If I had nothing but silence for the next week, I would be totally okay.
Also, in case you were wondering – the friendship is totally the same. It’s like we were never apart. She still loves me an awkward amount and can’t get enough of me, so nothing has changed.
Second side note: Since the first one, I have had to assist with 2 potty breaks, break up a fight over the coffee maker, find the PJ Masks Cat Car, fix a hair bow, change the tv station because Spongebob came on and evidently we are not a fan any longer, have a conversation that was far too long on why there is a shelf in the mini-refrigerator and deposit a bag of Cheez-It’s in the baby’s hands to keep him quiet for a bit more.
Thinking more, I became aware that the Kristyn of January 2018 is nothing like the Kristyn of 2019. This Kristyn speaks up more, she pushes herself, she tries new things, she has more confidence, she’s happier and she’s healthier.
She’s also a better mother, which is by far the most important thing.
What I would love more than anything is to have the same moment in exactly one year. I would love to have the realization that the Kristyn of 2020 is an even more amazing iteration of the 2019 model. I want Kristyn 2020 to be a person who puts herself out there and gets even more out of her comfort zone. For her to learn how to take care of herself so that she can take care of others better. For her biggest priority to be the happiness of herself and her family, and the focus to be on them and building the bond they have together. Also, for Kristyn 2020 to be healthier and her emotional well-being to be the best it’s ever been.
Kristyn 2020 will be better and stronger.
She will be more determined.
She will be a force to be reckoned with.
Are you ready? Let’s get 2019 started!!!!!
But right now – I have to go. The baby took the toddler’s milk and an all-out brawl is about to go down. Happiest of New Year’s to you all!
Happy New Year Wishes From A Tired Mom!